Just a break


I wish I could tell you...
Tell you to stop texting me back...
I wish I could tell you to move the fuck on. It was just a one night stand that's it.
tell you to stop asking me if I wanna watch movies...
because I know where those movies gonna end and the next morning I know I'll be hustling around and won't even have time to think and if you ask me again I'll say I m busy again and I am tired and I just wanna go to sleep.
I wish I could tell you I am just too scared to get rejected again.
I don't wanna be caught up on those feelings again
and I don't wanna be miserable again who cries on every little thing.

Last time I remember it took me 2 years to move on because I gave all of me and expected too much and trust me if I fall I know I am gonna fall way more harder than last time but before that, I am gonna do my best to close all the doors, shut everything down and let people know i was just a mean bitch who had high standard and high attitude.

Just give me a break I am not ready to see you again.
I just wanna think through it.
I have mixed feelings and I don't wanna be in the middle of gray when I am supposed to be choosing white or black.

Just give me a long break.
A really long break and a long time so that i can forget about you
I can forget how cuddling in your arms felt like
I can forget how your little tiny getures made me feel
How your tiny little questions asking if I am okay, made me feel about you
or the next awkward but not so awkward morning where you massaged my back and asked if I want coffee
and the next thing i did was run away
Just give me some break to blur all those memories and then might think about taking another step

Just a break
and when we meet each other like the last time, I might think again if I wanna open the door and choose white or just shut the windows and blinds and choose black.

Just another drunk call



Dear K,

Yesterday night is blurred but
I realized how fucked up I was after I saw my cell phone this morning with 1001 notifications. Holy Crap!
That included Instagram comments and likes and all the drunk texts that were replied. 
I can’t imagine I just did whatever you said. 
Girl! You make me do things that I won’t even do in this lifetime. 
You take out the strong version me, who is just invincible.

The version who thinks that the world is in her hands and nobody can beat her.
The version who knows she ain't dealing with small weiners 
The version who looks for your 'yes' and just shoots for it without thinking the 'how.'
I wonder how many times I asked you whether I should do this or that or not. But I guess your single yes from seven seas across was enough to spark the fire.

I love you but at the same time, I hate you.

Love S.

You are a Badass: How to stop doubting our greatness and start living an awesome life



When it comes to reading books, I can freaking dive in the pool of books and read all my life. But when I say books, I meant fiction and poetry. Reading self-growth, personal development book was always a struggle until now. I started off with gratitude diaries, big magic and a lot of books but after a week of reading few pages I just gave up reading on it because it was too much of reality that I was not ready to face. So, I started off with Jen Sincero’s You are a badass because it is New York Times Bestseller and it must be a bestseller for a reason.

order here

order here for a friend, I shall give you a hot latte, my company, and a long talk while we gaze at the stars
order here for adventure, I shall hand you my extra pair of hiking shoes and boots
order here for memories I shall give you bottles of beer and take you to various different locations, where you would love to get lost
order here for family, I shall take you to my mom where she will treat you like a child.
order here for love, and I shall give you my best poetry books to read
order here for hatred, and I shall give you my stories of heartaches and pain
after all, these, if you are still hungry I shall give you
me.

When your heart is a gypsy


My best friend has been requesting me to write something about returning home, something about what has changed, something about the wind and the weather, and whether I'll stay at home and still miss it or not. I guess the answer lies in my gypsy heart who calls home to the known faces and carefree life, where home means no rules and restrictions but just me and my cup of coffee, no babblings but just scheduled plan with friends, a little bit of busy life but smile at the end of the night.

Never Grow Up

Never Grow Up because it's a trap.
because everytime you fall, you gonna fall way harder than the last time.
because you thought life was a straight line, which only had a starting point and the end
but turns out its like a tangled hair which you hadn't comb since the day you existed.
Don't grow up
because even the conditioner, shampoo, hair serum or hair dryer don't make your hair silky and shiny.
Never grow up because you gotta say no or face no or go through lots of no.
because every day there comes the new thing that you thought hardly existed.
because your assignment due dates are important than your birthday
because your holiday becomes just laying on a bed and sipping a tea
because .....
Never grow up because Sun isn't always shiny and the rainbow isn't always colorful.
because your favourite color changes every year.
because your man crush has a crush on someone and tells you about it every night.
because you sometimes wanna talk to your best friend but they are seven seas apart.
because you can break your own wine glasses just
Never grow up because love is just superficial
because everything dies at the end
because you are alone after all
because...
because... ...
Never Grow Up
just never.