the happy sad reality of being 21

Let me tell you about turning 21 nad finally being legal.
Let's start with the sad note so I can end up happy because it's middle of the night and I don't want my sadness to be so overwhelming that I lose sleep.

The sad part is:
that you have to make your choices by yourself now. You mom and dad will be there to suggest you but you have to make a choice whether bad or too bad.
that you'll sometimes forget what love really looks like because you come across with so many guys and one tipping point you'll be like "well, fuck that shit. I ain't wasting my time with him"
that your bills piles up from your cell phone bills, car insurance to some other dumb subscription that you did when you were 20 and don't know about it
that you will come across with anxiety too many times
that somethings will never go the way you wanted it to be
that sometimes your teenage stubborn can be overwhelming
that sometimes some memories are gonna trigger you like a real motherfucker costing you 9 hours of goodnight sleep
that teenage love stories just cringe you out
that parties don't really make you happy now
that sometimes being sad is all you can do

now let's do the happy part
the happy part is:
that you can order your own drink and don't have to wait for fake id
that it just feels right to drink on a Monday night
that coffee becomes your best friend the next morning and everything goes just perfectly fine
that you fall in love again and again and again but will know when he is not the one
that your room will look wat more messier than before
that your shopping list kind of decreases
that you discover new things about yourself
that you just become whole another level of dare devil and jump in for things that sounded dumb before
that skinny dipping is not a big deal now
that quality time with friends make you more happy now

Five Feet Apart

I am a hopeless romantic. Such a hopeless romantic who will love some cup of tea or wine and a hopelessly romantic movie. I haven't really got a chance to read cliche romance novels for a long time and now when I finally picked Five Feet Apart, I was whipped boy! So I have collected all my favorite quotes from Five Feet Apart below. I hope I get a guy like Will lol.

Let me tell you a story

Let me tell you a story...
a story of guilt and regret
a story of tiredness engulfing the entire world
a story of how we never accept and always ignore...

Hashtag 2073

I don't know what I was thinking on this day but I guess I was just happy and counting my blessings. And this is what I wrote 3 years back. Just a heads up it was 2073 B.S. it's a Nepalese year so right now it is 2076 B.S.
Here starts my drama.

Just a break

I wish I could tell you...
Tell you to stop texting me back...
I wish I could tell you to move the fuck on. It was just a one night stand that's it.
tell you to stop asking me if I wanna watch movies...
because I know where those movies gonna end and the next morning I know I'll be hustling around and won't even have time to think and if you ask me again I'll say I m busy again and I am tired and I just wanna go to sleep.
I wish I could tell you I am just too scared to get rejected again.
I don't wanna be caught up on those feelings again
and I don't wanna be miserable again who cries on every little thing.

Last time I remember it took me 2 years to move on because I gave all of me and expected too much and trust me if I fall I know I am gonna fall way more harder than last time but before that, I am gonna do my best to close all the doors, shut everything down and let people know i was just a mean bitch who had high standard and high attitude.

Just give me a break I am not ready to see you again.
I just wanna think through it.
I have mixed feelings and I don't wanna be in the middle of gray when I am supposed to be choosing white or black.

Just give me a long break.
A really long break and a long time so that i can forget about you
I can forget how cuddling in your arms felt like
I can forget how your little tiny getures made me feel
How your tiny little questions asking if I am okay, made me feel about you
or the next awkward but not so awkward morning where you massaged my back and asked if I want coffee
and the next thing i did was run away
Just give me some break to blur all those memories and then might think about taking another step

Just a break
and when we meet each other like the last time, I might think again if I wanna open the door and choose white or just shut the windows and blinds and choose black.

Just another drunk call

Dear K,

Yesterday night is blurred but
I realized how fucked up I was after I saw my cell phone this morning with 1001 notifications. Holy Crap!
That included Instagram comments and likes and all the drunk texts that were replied. 
I can’t imagine I just did whatever you said. 
Girl! You make me do things that I won’t even do in this lifetime. 
You take out the strong version me, who is just invincible.

The version who thinks that the world is in her hands and nobody can beat her.
The version who knows she ain't dealing with small weiners 
The version who looks for your 'yes' and just shoots for it without thinking the 'how.'
I wonder how many times I asked you whether I should do this or that or not. But I guess your single yes from seven seas across was enough to spark the fire.

I love you but at the same time, I hate you.

Love S.