Just another drunk call

Dear K,

Yesterday night is blurred but
I realized how fucked up I was after I saw my cell phone this morning with 1001 notifications. Holy Crap!
That included Instagram comments and likes and all the drunk texts that were replied. 
I can’t imagine I just did whatever you said. 
Girl! You make me do things that I won’t even do in this lifetime. 
You take out the strong version me, who is just invincible.

The version who thinks that the world is in her hands and nobody can beat her.
The version who knows she ain't dealing with small weiners 
The version who looks for your 'yes' and just shoots for it without thinking the 'how.'
I wonder how many times I asked you whether I should do this or that or not. But I guess your single yes from seven seas across was enough to spark the fire.

I love you but at the same time, I hate you.

Love S.

You are a Badass: How to stop doubting our greatness and start living an awesome life

When it comes to reading books, I can freaking dive in the pool of books and read all my life. But when I say books, I meant fiction and poetry. Reading self-growth, personal development book was always a struggle until now. I started off with gratitude diaries, big magic and a lot of books but after a week of reading few pages I just gave up reading on it because it was too much of reality that I was not ready to face. So, I started off with Jen Sincero’s You are a badass because it is New York Times Bestseller and it must be a bestseller for a reason.

order here

order here for a friend, I shall give you a hot latte, my company, and a long talk while we gaze at the stars
order here for adventure, I shall hand you my extra pair of hiking shoes and boots
order here for memories I shall give you bottles of beer and take you to various different locations, where you would love to get lost
order here for family, I shall take you to my mom where she will treat you like a child.
order here for love, and I shall give you my best poetry books to read
order here for hatred, and I shall give you my stories of heartaches and pain
after all, these, if you are still hungry I shall give you

When your heart is a gypsy

My best friend has been requesting me to write something about returning home, something about what has changed, something about the wind and the weather, and whether I'll stay at home and still miss it or not. I guess the answer lies in my gypsy heart who calls home to the known faces and carefree life, where home means no rules and restrictions but just me and my cup of coffee, no babblings but just scheduled plan with friends, a little bit of busy life but smile at the end of the night.

Dear K,

There are some things I am lucky for but there are some things that I wish I didn't have. My wishes have all always been granted like a fairy tale movie form the big Barbie house to Abroad Study. I thought maybe I am grown up now, maybe I'll get a little freedom but guess I was wrong. In exchange for all the goods and fancy gifts, somewhere my life was being controlled, somewhere there was a gap between my inside world and outside, somewhere I was always being stopped again and again.
I wish I could soothe your ears with lovely stories of being back home but it's just a mixture of everything right now. Maybe I just took too much of emotional dose today or maybe I'll be alright tomorrow when I have a good sleep and back to the states.
Right now it's just too vague.


Never Grow Up

Never Grow Up because it's a trap.
because everytime you fall, you gonna fall way harder than the last time.
because you thought life was a straight line, which only had a starting point and the end
but turns out its like a tangled hair which you hadn't comb since the day you existed.
Don't grow up
because even the conditioner, shampoo, hair serum or hair dryer don't make your hair silky and shiny.
Never grow up because you gotta say no or face no or go through lots of no.
because every day there comes the new thing that you thought hardly existed.
because your assignment due dates are important than your birthday
because your holiday becomes just laying on a bed and sipping a tea
because .....
Never grow up because Sun isn't always shiny and the rainbow isn't always colorful.
because your favourite color changes every year.
because your man crush has a crush on someone and tells you about it every night.
because you sometimes wanna talk to your best friend but they are seven seas apart.
because you can break your own wine glasses just
Never grow up because love is just superficial
because everything dies at the end
because you are alone after all
because... ...
Never Grow Up
just never. 

2018 was all about: checkmarks

Since we are stepping into 2019. I look back at 2018 and all I could say is, "Dang I lived my dreams." I have a whole list of cities and places and things that I wanted to do and I completed most of it. I lived my resolutions and drank the chills of adventure.

Chapter 16: Thanksgiving 2k18

Dear Dairy,

A lot has happened over the course of the year. My hair has grown long and shiny. I am no more a tiny starving kid. I hit the gym every fucking morning, I have gained some booty now. My makeup skills aren't perfect but they aren't that bad. Blusher, highlighter and contour kit are kind a friends now. I don't think twice when I speak English. I have become really fluent.

over the course of these years, I have declared my major to Marketing. I felt like business is more my cup of tea and with that I can extend of family's business here in United States.

I spent my spring break in Marriott Marque, NY. The 27th floor and felt like my dreams came true, when I saw those glittery lights of Times Square. I won the award of Rookie of the Year 2018 from UW Student Media.

Spent my summer 2k18 at West Virginia and Pennsylvania, carrying out my own business with crazy book kids of Southwestern Advantage. During three months, I found two group of strangers who impacted my life so much that they turned into a family. First is The Winning Tradition, who helped me throughout the hardships of rejections and taught me how to be patience with myself. The second is Currey Family, my host family over the summer, who made finger licking amazing food and taught me to embrace my mess.

I became an RA of McIntyre Hall and guess what I joined a Fraternity. Yes, it's a Frat. Alpha Kappa Psi, a coed professional fraternity. Became a PR Officer at International Student Association.

And over all these fancy glittery lights, I made some friends, who turned into family. Every Wednesday, I have girls night with Annika and Abby. while others don't even wave hi. I had relatives whom I treated like my first blood back stabbed me while others they freaking invite all the time for dinner.

I lost some and I won some.

And, I am thankful for all each and every moment because without them I wouldn't have been here and yet there is still a long journey to travel.

Thankful for my life.