Letter to the first one


I hope this letter finds you well. I guess.
I don't even know what to write because it's been almost 13 years since we last talked. Yeah, I was too young to get into a relationship and to be honest I hardly knew what "relationship" looked like or how it felt like or how "love" was spelled or felt like. 
I know I was angry at first when you confessed your puppy love to me. The reason why I was angry because I just was a kid... and that felt like a huge big crime to me. Along with it, I don't know how I was feeling but I thought to be angry was the good reason and I didn't like how people were teasing me and how everyone knew "you" liked me but I didn't. 

A couple of months later, we finally talked and talked and some more talking led us to have a feeling for each other. To be honest, whenever I look back, I just feel cringy and stupid. I don't feel any part of being loved or having fun. All I feel is the trouble I got myself into because of you and most probably the enemies I met when I said I wanted to break up with you. I didn't even know the meaning of "backstabbing," "manipulation," "two-faced," and so on until the end of that year. I was too young to know those words and I guess I grew up too soon and too early that I hardly remember enjoying my childhood.

It's weird to even think about it and whenever people ask me "So, how many boyfriends did you have before?" I would just not count you. I don't know why but I just wouldn't.

I don't have any hard feelings for you now because way worst events have happened and that looks like a tiny page in the twenty-two book series. We acted like teens too soon and too early. I remember when you called at my home asking for me and I would whisper to my mom, "Tell him I am not here." 

I hope you are in a great place now and you are doing well. Thanks for coming into my life and moving on. 

----This blog post will be updated in the future---- 

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