and my mom said, "You should write more. "

Honey write more because you have a pretty handwriting
Honey write more because that's what you love to do
Honey write more because it helps you with your anxiety
and Honey write so much more that there is no place for hate in your heart but only love.
and honey when you don't know what to write just write about:
the deepest ocean in yourself,
the darkest pit of your anger,
the colorful smiles that you get from flavors of food,
the wildest heartbeat when you skydived,
Honey just write about anything and everything
it doesn't have to make sense because this world is full of chaos and non-sense
So, honey just write until your heart bleeds out on the paper.

Team #Atticuspoetry

Dear Atticus,

This may sound crazy but guess what i wrote in my secret Santa wish list "Favorite Team: Team @Atticuspoetry." This Christmas i just wanted to send you a thank you letter for helping me out during hard times.
This year hasn't been the best year of my life. I didn't know what anxiety or panic attack felt like but guess what i can check them out of my list now. It sucks and most specially those sleepless night. I went to my counselor couple of times asking her "if i could ever fix myself because this is not the way i want to feel." She said, "there is nothing broken to be fixed." I  used to loose myself into books and just write about thousands different blogs about the same guy but this time i didn't even wanted to write not even read a book. All new books this fall just have been staring at my dead face and weeping at the side.
I used to go through your Instagram post and feel every writing so when your fall tour showed i booked the tickets immediately. But, guess what on the way to the Tattered Covered Book store my car's hood just flipped over because i was being dumb and didn't lock my latch properly. All i could see in front of me was darkness. Later I cried my heart out in front of my supervisor. I thought nothing is gonna go right this year.

After a month, I finally got my book shipped to me and I couldn't feel less loved. Every night i read your little cliche poems and it just makes me feel right, that somewhere out there, it's not always dark sometimes there might be a color of blue and pink and some lilac sky out there.

I do chalk couture and write your quotes on the empty canvases, fill my walls with it. Reminds me that i could give love to myself too.

Thank you! Thank you so much for always being there. I really really appreciate your words.


18 incomplete drafts

As a creative writing minor, my laptop and school account are filled with thousands of the incomplete draft. It's not like I don't want to complete them. I just lose the feeling or I just like some of my thoughts so much that I had to put them down. and sometimes even though I like the thpught I just wanna leave it as it is, to let some of my readers continue those thoughts and leaving them space to complete it.
Here are a collection of 18 drafts that have never been touched since 2014.
Warning: these are neither edited nor revised or looked back after my first pen to paper moment.

"Do not settle for weak," they said.

When they said, "Do not settle for weak men or women."
I said that maybe the world is full of people with different sizes and shapes just like puzzle pieces trying to find their better-half.
Maybe the world is full of some lovely hearts, some broken, some tired, some restless each finding their better side
Maybe the world is full of men who just wanna cry or women who just wanna fight or maybe another way around
after all, everyone has their own story to write, their own parts to play
Maybe they aren't week. Maybe they are holding on for a long time that they decide to leave
"Maybe I just wanna settle with my own puzzle piece," I yelled.

Five Feet Apart

I am a hopeless romantic. Such a hopeless romantic who will love some cup of tea or wine and a hopelessly romantic movie. I haven't really got a chance to read cliche romance novels for a long time and now when I finally picked Five Feet Apart, I was whipped boy! So I have collected all my favorite quotes from Five Feet Apart below. I hope I get a guy like Will lol.

Let me tell you a story

Let me tell you a story...
a story of guilt and regret
a story of tiredness engulfing the entire world
a story of how we never accept and always ignore...

Hashtag 2073

I don't know what I was thinking on this day but I guess I was just happy and counting my blessings. And this is what I wrote 3 years back. Just a heads up it was 2073 B.S. it's a Nepalese year so right now it is 2076 B.S.
Here starts my drama.

Just a break

I wish I could tell you...
Tell you to stop texting me back...
I wish I could tell you to move the fuck on. It was just a one night stand that's it.
tell you to stop asking me if I wanna watch movies...
because I know where those movies gonna end and the next morning I know I'll be hustling around and won't even have time to think and if you ask me again I'll say I m busy again and I am tired and I just wanna go to sleep.
I wish I could tell you I am just too scared to get rejected again.
I don't wanna be caught up on those feelings again
and I don't wanna be miserable again who cries on every little thing.

Last time I remember it took me 2 years to move on because I gave all of me and expected too much and trust me if I fall I know I am gonna fall way more harder than last time but before that, I am gonna do my best to close all the doors, shut everything down and let people know i was just a mean bitch who had high standard and high attitude.

Just give me a break I am not ready to see you again.
I just wanna think through it.
I have mixed feelings and I don't wanna be in the middle of gray when I am supposed to be choosing white or black.

Just give me a long break.
A really long break and a long time so that i can forget about you
I can forget how cuddling in your arms felt like
I can forget how your little tiny getures made me feel
How your tiny little questions asking if I am okay, made me feel about you
or the next awkward but not so awkward morning where you massaged my back and asked if I want coffee
and the next thing i did was run away
Just give me some break to blur all those memories and then might think about taking another step

Just a break
and when we meet each other like the last time, I might think again if I wanna open the door and choose white or just shut the windows and blinds and choose black.

Just another drunk call

Dear K,

Yesterday night is blurred but
I realized how fucked up I was after I saw my cell phone this morning with 1001 notifications. Holy Crap!
That included Instagram comments and likes and all the drunk texts that were replied. 
I can’t imagine I just did whatever you said. 
Girl! You make me do things that I won’t even do in this lifetime. 
You take out the strong version me, who is just invincible.

The version who thinks that the world is in her hands and nobody can beat her.
The version who knows she ain't dealing with small weiners 
The version who looks for your 'yes' and just shoots for it without thinking the 'how.'
I wonder how many times I asked you whether I should do this or that or not. But I guess your single yes from seven seas across was enough to spark the fire.

I love you but at the same time, I hate you.

Love S.

You are a Badass: How to stop doubting our greatness and start living an awesome life

When it comes to reading books, I can freaking dive in the pool of books and read all my life. But when I say books, I meant fiction and poetry. Reading self-growth, personal development book was always a struggle until now. I started off with gratitude diaries, big magic and a lot of books but after a week of reading few pages I just gave up reading on it because it was too much of reality that I was not ready to face. So, I started off with Jen Sincero’s You are a badass because it is New York Times Bestseller and it must be a bestseller for a reason.

order here

order here for a friend, I shall give you a hot latte, my company, and a long talk while we gaze at the stars
order here for adventure, I shall hand you my extra pair of hiking shoes and boots
order here for memories I shall give you bottles of beer and take you to various different locations, where you would love to get lost
order here for family, I shall take you to my mom where she will treat you like a child.
order here for love, and I shall give you my best poetry books to read
order here for hatred, and I shall give you my stories of heartaches and pain
after all, these, if you are still hungry I shall give you

When your heart is a gypsy

My best friend has been requesting me to write something about returning home, something about what has changed, something about the wind and the weather, and whether I'll stay at home and still miss it or not. I guess the answer lies in my gypsy heart who calls home to the known faces and carefree life, where home means no rules and restrictions but just me and my cup of coffee, no babblings but just scheduled plan with friends, a little bit of busy life but smile at the end of the night.

Never Grow Up

Never Grow Up because it's a trap.
because everytime you fall, you gonna fall way harder than the last time.
because you thought life was a straight line, which only had a starting point and the end
but turns out its like a tangled hair which you hadn't comb since the day you existed.
Don't grow up
because even the conditioner, shampoo, hair serum or hair dryer don't make your hair silky and shiny.
Never grow up because you gotta say no or face no or go through lots of no.
because every day there comes the new thing that you thought hardly existed.
because your assignment due dates are important than your birthday
because your holiday becomes just laying on a bed and sipping a tea
because .....
Never grow up because Sun isn't always shiny and the rainbow isn't always colorful.
because your favourite color changes every year.
because your man crush has a crush on someone and tells you about it every night.
because you sometimes wanna talk to your best friend but they are seven seas apart.
because you can break your own wine glasses just
Never grow up because love is just superficial
because everything dies at the end
because you are alone after all
because... ...
Never Grow Up
just never.