Nightmares

I didn't know much about nightmares
How dangerous is it?
What exactly do we see?
Nothing

Until a whole bunch of people 
Marched in my life
Simultaneously
one by one
day by day
Throwing some nasty words
Which my ear loved to ignored
And throwing me that nasty gaze 
Which I ever really expected 
Existed

My loneliness was a danger for me
Whereas it was an advantage and joyous moment for them
Their hand would roam around my body
Their wrist would hold me tight 
So that I wouldn't move
Their fingers would haunt my chin every now and then 

It might be soothing for them
But for me, it was the whole combination of irritation Heavy cry and loud sobs 
People would day dream about their loves and bla blah blah
But I would just have a nightmare every single second
My mouth didn't utter a word

I still remember that day like a clip in my journal
How he rubbed my back in listeriosis manner 
And unclasped my bra without an effort
It was proud moment for him
but for Me 
It has always been a nightmare. 

2 years gone by 
The scars and stitches of my body might have healed
But my eyes still refuse to close and my nails still find its way to the flesh of my fingertips scratching it and piercing it until the blood drains out
To mark a reminder of the event

Within two yrs 
I have not been me 
But I have introduced myself as she
She who once loved to flaunt her curves now hides it under the layers of clothes and oversized sweatshirts
She who once loved to show her white toned smooth legs now hides it under the plus size jeans 
She who once loved to try new haircuts and loved to style
Now loves to lay it as it is 
Just a parting and tying it simply 
She who loved to go outdoors 
Now thinks thousands of times and takes a step




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