i don't feel like writing

I am confused, strangled and suffocating in the maze of words.
I don't know what to write! Shall I just copy and paste some incredible breath-taking words and post it, feeling unreal and not really me.
Or just wander through each neuron and search for something to write.

I have 43 posts in my draft.
Some waiting to be edited, some to be published and some to be filled in more with words.

It's been 3 months and I am still thinking not only about my drafts but all the single thing in this whole world, which is at pause like my writings. Every time I close my eyes all I do is think and think, which makes my nights go sleepless.

Thinking about my future plans, which aren't in shape or the way I wanted it to be.
Thinking about all the works staring at my face.
Thinking about the taunts I get every day.
Thinking about all the unsuccessful stories which people use against me.

Counting each "Thinking" of each night. It finally resulted in over thinking. Making my parents worried.

Spending my life between 4 walls was never my routine. In order to live and overcome my problems, I always traveled and showed up in each and every event interacting with new people, making them friends and forcing my brain to realize that I'M OK.

But as soon as I reach home every problem shows up. In order to distract my brain from overthinking, I would just browse some blogs and Wattpad books so that I can find some words or my inner lost feeling to write.

Yet I am helpless.

And still searching and thinking and thinking.

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