From bournvita to beer

It all started at the time
when we used to drink Bourn Vita
 mixed in that stinky milk.

I don't remember 
whether it was summer or winter
whether you wore a shirt or a skirt
whether it was your birthday or mine
but I do remember it was the time
when our moms used to pin a handkerchief in our shirt's pocket
when we had our very first day to school with watery eyes
and a water bottle hung around our neck
when we didn't know what friendship is or what love is.

We four met at the time
when we had 
the most immature and the  most innocent brains
when all we knew was 
 princess' dresses, tom and jerry cartoons 
and that one extra chocolate 
reserved for you three on my birthdays.

with the growing days 
the bag became easier to carry 
and we fantastic four
entered our teenage 
with our half mature mind
but
with not so innocent brains
this time.

Singing out loud Ed Sheeran songs
sharing our crushes names to our nasty heartbreaks
dancing with the glass of beer
which was once filled by Bourn Vita

Graduated from high school 
now here we are:
- Spreading our wings heading to the four different direction
me in the east 
other in the west
and the other two in south and north.

- Paving paths for our 
colleges,
careers 
and
jobs.

We will be Struggling hard enough
 to fit in new places
and
sometimes will be breaking down,
breaking down in such a way that 
we won't have each other 
to hold our backs
or
to wipe our heartbreaks.

But trust me 
even though we rarely get a chance to talk 
even though in every phone call 
you will shut down your tears 
and
 say you are okay
and for every time you will cry in the future,
I will always wish 
that I have the right words to say
but
 if I don't
 just know that I care.

know that 
you people will still be my three chambers of hearts
know that 
even though your nasty girlfriends and boyfriend don't love you
I will always love you 
with too many commas and no asterisks 
I will always love you 
despite having seen you 
in your so not good haircut
despite having seen you 
with your milk teeth falling out 
and 
making a tunnel in your mouth
despite having seen you 
poking your nose.
Not everyone could do that.

and  
after all this
 college, 
jobs,
 and
 career 
thing.

Promise me
we will be back again together
and spend our life 
like goofing idiots.

Maybe we would be dating someone
but 
Promise me
 we won't replace each other.

Maybe we would find the right person and marry them
but 
Promise me
 you three will be present there as my bridesmaids.

Maybe one day we won't have the same energy and strong back
but 
Promise me 
we will dance even in those walking sticks and wheelchairs.

Maybe we won't have some of our teeth
but 
Promise me 
we will still smile showing off the train tunnel in our mouth.

Maybe we won't be touching beer at that time
but 
Promise me 
we will go back to our Bourn vita days again.






the ultimate color

You wore blue deeper than the sea when we met for the first time.
I was in my black talking to one of the clients whereas you,
on the other hand,
were sitting across me holding a cup of latte
and
a boring white cover book by Gayle Forman.

So pardon if I

The air got me feeling like a tiny leaf,
making me move here and there,
making me shiver from its each blow.
So pardon if I just lose myself.
Because I can't take it anymore,
because I can't bear it anymore
while
others are hanging still and straight
but I am no others.

The truth that lies

My first day of college 
I still remember it clearly
as if it were just yesterday.
 I still remember how dynamically I woke up
as if sparks were emitting from my body
like a firecracker.

To my valentine

Dear Valentine,
Thanks for marching into my world and breaking all the walls built around my heart and soul.
Thanks for bringing Spring where only Autumn and Winter existed
Thanks for planting Middlemist Red, Kadapul flower as well as Jade Vine, which made my life a little colorful and a little bright that it never forgot to glow at night.
Thanks for sticking by my side no matter the situation.

Novels and poems were my enemies

If you don't 

like to read.

You haven't found 

THE RIGHT BOOK. 

-J.K. ROWLING


When I was in 9th Grade, I used to hate poems and novels. 
It all started with "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. The poem made everyone attentive and conscious whereas me it just worked opposite. It forestalled my brain, drowned my eyes, tranquilized my nerves and made my head fall on the desk.

The guy in checkered shirt

Day 1

With giggles, laughs, and talks I entered the reception of an Institute. My eyes scanned the reception and it just stopped at you. Yes, YOU!! who was sitting at the extreme corner of the hall, in a checkered shirt with a roughly arranged pompadour hair and a blue colored backpack resting on your lap.
I don't know what came up to my brain, it just supported my heart and made my legs to march towards you.

"Oh my God! What am I doing?" I thought but it was too late. My heart and brain worked together and made me sit across you. "OK! Thanks to my brain and heart this time, who didn't make me sit beside you. It would have been a really awkward situation." You were bored by sitting in the same place for half an hour where as me on the other side of earth was too busy juggling all the emotions. My brain was playing all sorts of songs and my heart, on the other hand, was too busy doing some cool dance moves. And, above all this, I was trying to be normal on the outside.
Then the receptionist calls out your name and there you go making your way to the Dean's Office. My juggling jeopardizes, my brain stops singing songs and my heart pauses like a mannequin. I am hit hard by reality. "Girl wake up from your dream."

Day 2

I marched inside the class half dreaming and dressed like a nerd with a high ponytail, round geeky glasses, a pair of sandals, blue faded jeans, an oversize sweatshirt and a really boring shoulder bag. The class was all full of noise and laughs. I scanned for a vacant seat and here I go at the very first bench where no one can watch me neither can I. Dreaming and wandering, my brain made its way to the romantic novels. The lecturer marches in shattering all the fictional stories with the bundle of notes and assignments, it is going to be a long day I assumed.
You can't imagine 57 minutes 56 seconds was so torturing. As it got over, my eyes were no more sleepy. WOW!! 
The lecturer, as well as some of the students, moved out. I turned around to see how many others stayed for the second lecturer and then my eyes spotted you at the very end of the class with the same yellow checkered shirt. This is something I didn't expect. My heart immediately raced like McQueen on the race track and my brain paused. You looked at me. Our eyes met like bullets piercing each other souls. It took my brain a whole minute to realize that I was staring. Embarrassed from my action, I turned around and took a deep long breath.
This isn't a Wattpad Romance Books. Stop assuming as if you had the first sight blaaa blaaa blaaa stuff. 

Day 3 AND SO ON......

Days went by like water flowing down the river.
We would pass by each other like wind passing through the leaves. No smile, No Hi, No eye contact But just a shiver which only my heartfelt. Our eyes would meet but our lips would never utter a word.
I sometimes prayed to god to stop these butterfly kind of feelings from my belly, these stupid love songs which my brain automatically played and these idiotic dance moves which my heart by default starts when it senses you.
And finally, he listened to my prayers and granted my wishes by making you absent on days, which I later on regretted. You showed up twice or thrice in a week and rest of the time you just vanished with no trace. And then when your study course got over, you left no trace but just an email which I, unfortunately, got from the record list when I was searching for mine.

I know we are strangers. You don't even know my name. You don't even know how I look like.
It took me two months to gather all the courage to just tell you Hi through this blog. It might sound insane to some people and Yes!! it is insane But, I really can't get you out of my mind. Maybe someday I can. BUT It's NOT TODAY.

P.S. If you are reading this now. The crush fever is already out of my head but I don't mind saying you Hi.

Shame on you

Early morning when the chilly wind was passing through my naked hands and face, making every cell of my body shiver. Sniffing, stumbling, and arranging my muffler I caught the bus(Nepal Yatayat) at 9:00 am. The bus was full of chattering youngsters in college uniforms and some people in their mid-twenties. I sat at the first and only vacant seat available. I was busy bugging into my cell phone for early news, on the other hand, teens were busy gossiping about their college stuff.


 When the bus was about to start, a lady entered carrying an infant. Without having a thought, I immediately left my seat for her. The lovely smile of the lady really satisfied my morning. I thought.

Then at the next stop, entered a man in his 60's with wrinkly old skin. A lousy woolen cap on his head and a hefty bag on his hand, he searched for a vacant seat. Poor man, every seat was occupied. He even scanned for the Senior Citizen's seat where the two gentlemen in their mid 20 were so lazy to stand up that they ignored him. Each and every youngster on the bus ignored him.

For me, this was too intolerable. I waited for a minute thinking maybe anyone could leave their seat for him. But No! Nobody stood up. Nobody spoke anything. Neither those college students nor those gentlemen and ladies. The maximum height of my exasperation spoke out loud, making me the center of attraction and tying the tongues of every fellow passengers'.

Let's start all over again

It's been years, long dreadful years and my guilt is tearing me apart and ripping my soul every night. People say,"Karma is a bitch" and I do agree with that because years ago I left her and never turned back. Years ago when I slit her heart out in a blink of an eye. Years ago when nothing worked between us and instead of mending and fixing it, I chose to abandon it. Years ago when tears rolled down her cheeks every night and her pillow knew, I chose to agree with my own imaginary fact that 'She was overreacting'. Years ago when her swollen eyes would search the old me and all she got was new me who was too busy, busy with the useless shits. And yes Karma is a Bitch because I feel it now.

She was my marijuana


Cold breeze and frosty snow. On that stodgy early morning, I parked my bike and marched to the class. Being an extreme introvert, I made my way to the last seat at the corner. And, then you showed up.

Searching for a vacant seat, you made your way beside me. Starting with Hi!!, few talks and smiles, days later, we ended up texting each other at times. Whenever your message popped out, it stole my breath. Never thought those feelings would one day exist in me.

checkered love



While browsing on Instagram I bumped into this fashion store @maisonshefali from Jaipur. I  went through their each post and found their design really incredible. With each design, there were inspiring quotes and one of the checkered midi dress 'Check the flower' really caught my eyes. Without any delay, I messaged the store if they can ship to Nepal and they replied,"Yes!! Of course". I gave them my body measurements and the dress arrived at my place within 2 weeks.

Half and half

When the rain and the sun are too busy sharing
their pain with little tiny droplets
and a hint of sunshine 
and 
forgets to care about you and your umbrella
I will always be there with mine
sharing it with you.
Just like
Half and Half.

to you...

Dear You,
Yes!! You. So, I think I gave you something and you got it. Then this post is surely for you.
I must have given you a diary, which states,"The Adventure Begins" from Bhav store. And, I am glad I gave you that sparing my 100 bucks from my thousand buck salary.

Why I gave you a notebook??

Because in my opinion notebooks keep your memories safe and sound, no matter how old you get. It is one of the things, which can be passed down from generation to generation and the major plus point is, it is authentic and real so nobody could hack it or crack it.
You may not realize the precious feeling of turning the pages. But you will surely get it when you will finish the notebook and ponder upon it.
Trust me and plus it will be the best feeling.

Why "The Adventure Begins"?

Apart from all the coolest notebooks, all over the world, I chose this because I think our life has just started because at the age of 18 we realized we have grown up so fast that we have put a full stop to our school life. And along with it, we also came to realize that now we can choose everything and anything.
At 20, we are realizing that we will get heartaches, heartbreaks, rejections, complications and sometimes we even have to choose between the worst choice and the less worst choice. And the dilemma between the two goes on and on. And when all the hurtful years will pass, we will be able to choose and find happiness between bad and little less bad or little worse. Maybe we will learn to solve our life puzzles with more grace and less sorrow.

Now don't go too sentimental. The adventure really begins because who knows you might get a new idea anywhere at any time, who knows when you end up writing you might make your day count as a worthy one.

So yeah!! Just write it down. Every day even tough it's Saturday or your exams are marching ahead of you. It's not necessary to fill the whole page with words. Just scribble some letters, paste some photographs, some numbers, some names and most of all the blissful memories.

I wish that you don't find your way or path instead you make your own. I hope you make your own, which I know will take some turns, which will be a little curvy, twisted, turned, sometimes circle, sometimes rectangle, sometimes a cross ( like a danger one) or sometimes a cross of wolverine ( like a brave one).

And at the end of the day if you still feel mad and sad that your life is messed up and full of confusion. Be happy because it is interesting than others who have a life like a straight line representing none other than a corpse.

Be proud you have ups and downs because you are ALIVE

"THE ADVENTURE TRULY BEGINS".

i don't feel like writing

I am confused, strangled and suffocating in the maze of words.
I don't know what to write! Shall I just copy and paste some incredible breath-taking words and post it, feeling unreal and not really me.
Or just wander through each neuron and search for something to write.

Once an Angelian, Always an Angelian

"Seriously, you people are crying, Just because you are leaving this place. Oh God!!...", that's what I said when my whole bunch of friends sobbed, but as for me, I was delighted to leave this place and was ready to experience everything as an adult.

Embrace me

Embrace me
in such a way  that
I could feel every thin thread of your
woolen shirt

Just let me

Let me get Vanished
to the world where there are no people 
Just Me & Myself
Let me be Missing 
for a day in which the morning never starts
and night never ends
Let me Extinct
from the world but give accent to Continue in Existence.

Just Let me

Because Almighty 

I can't take any more words into my ears
I want to be deaf and dumb for a day

Just Let me
Find my own inner peace
Hear my own heart beat
 Sing my own lyrics 
Let me see the sunrise, the sunset 
and those starry countless nights
where I would just dream and dream and dream
and dream 
of my own endless world

Mail this to heaven

Dear Ba,

 My childhood is still alive in my head. It is like the perfect movie I have been watching over and over again on the big screen. It even leaves behind the Oscar-winning movies because God was the almighty Producer. There was no scriptwriter neither songwriters nor stuntman, there was only a single person and that was ME.

Empty

Words 
which made my spine fall into shivers
Words 
which made me believe that life was like a ROLLER COASTER full of ADVENTURES 
Words 
which are now nothing but an empty message bottle
left by you.

Empty like
Deserts without the wind 
from which I used to build CASTLE in the air
Empty like
CHANEL without its fragrance
which I used to favor the most
Empty like
A poetry without any emotions

Those words were once filled with
blissful water covering the land
but who knew it will dry out  leaving only the ruthless sand
Those words were once
Flower which gives its romantic fragrance
to even the hands that crush it
Those words were once like
A poetry which made each shadow dance
and dream of his sweetness




I don't feel butterflies now...



I felt butterflies for him as you guys felt for somebody out there. His lingering touch, playful kisses, and a smile that seek its way up to my lips and would make it The Nile. These were the most amazing things in the whole world that existed to me. Most of all I could feel butterflies in my belly every millisecond as long as he was by my side. But who knew that God had already planned a different climax for my movie.

Dear Diary

The cold wind is blowing with little drops of water, outside and I am here sitting on my desk and wondering what should I do now. Shall I open my books and proceed to increase my knowledge or just keep thinking and dreaming and wondering about my future until I get tired and then finally sleep. Maybe it's this teenage thing, which hardly gives you sleep and tends to divert your mind to over thinking.

Every dropping water from that dark cotton balls above my head makes me worried that time doesn't wait for anyone. But, I say maybe they are referring to the coming moment which is on its way with my hard yet beautiful, shimmering and adventurous opportunities. Maybe.

My dearest buddies Dristi and along with her Shivali . They are the two sides of the coin which I always keep near to my heart. When my heart shivers like a stray dog on a winter weather and says "I am thumping like METAL, I can't calm down". The coin shakes me up and tells me to enjoy it with the rain, dance in it, feel it and play along with it because a day will come when you will look back at these moments and say that IT WAS TOUGH YET WE ENJOYED IT and you won't regret a bit. Life is like a MUSIC it sometimes plays R&B, sometimes COUNTRY and sometimes moves your feet on the floor playing the HIP HOP beats. 

Those two people who brought the positive ray to my thundering monsoon always said " Life is so similar as a surprise box on SUBWAY SURFER you never know what you get. All you need to do is enjoy and accept it because suweeeiii EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON .".

missing you D&S. 





picture source: Internet