Letter to K

Dear K,

I don't know how should I feel. I don't know how is it to be loved again and to love again. I don't even know how to like again. As I told you on the last call that I am going on a date. Yes, I did. And, I don't know how to feel about it.

Shall I tell you how funny was he or shall I tell you that he never hesitated to speak his heart out?
We went to this bowling game and it didn't feel like an awkward getting to know each other kind of date. It was like two friends chilling and making fun of each other. I used to think 1000 times before I would tell speak to a guy but with him, I didn't need to think. When I entered the car and said,"I probably smell like chicken." and he replied, "Yeah!  You definitely smell like chicken but not grilled chicken." I could just tell him whatever I want and not regret it. When I bowled my turn and turned around he didn't hesitate to accept that he was checking my butt. I don't regret that I went on a date with him. I don't regret that it has been all day and he hasn't text me. I have no regret attached about yesterday. It was funny how he guessed my shoe size and all I did was gave him a goofy smile. You can't imagine I bowled pretty well. I thought I would be the one whose scores will be zero but then I scored 5 to 6 points less than him. And, on the second match, I literally won because I cheated. Whenever he would be ready to bowl, I would just drag my foot to the red line so that his score would count as foul and then he would make his funny face and carry me back to the bench and make me sit like a 3-year-old baby. People who were beside us they would just laugh about how childish we acted while we were typing each other names on the screen. I would fight with him and name him 'a loser' and he would erase my whole name and type 'super loser.'

But, it kind of scared me when he walked ahead of me not even turning back. It scared the shit out of me when he kissed me. And, I knew I wasn't a great kisser. But an awkward one. It didn't scare me when said he was checking my butt but it scared me when he said that I have a sexy body. It didn't scare me when he touched my nakedness but it scared me when he hugged my naked body and said,"I wanna know more about you." It scared me when he hugged me tight and said he wanted to know me even more. He wanted to know my existence, my place, my culture and most especially me.

Love S.

Chapter 15: End of Semester

Date: Last day of semester 11/11/2017

Well, my first semester at UW was full of ups and downs. Even though I have updated only superficial information and outlines in this diary because of my hectic schedule I have learned truckloads of shit. I met some strangers and made them friends. I went through a lot of troubles and problems, where I felt like giving up but then some showed up and dragged my ass to work again.

Chapter 14: Love is a Big word

Date: One of the lazy night in November

"Love is a big word," she said.
She has known me for 6 months now and I see myself in her. I see my insecurities, I see my thoughts rumbling around and I see myself in her.

Sometimes it's the best option

Sometimes it's the best option to let the past haunt you and wrap you around in its wings.
Sometimes it's the best option to stop talking, stare at the ceiling and let the smoke from your cigarette fly and form a halo above your head.

Chapter 13: Major and Minor Issues


Dear Diary,

My exams are all done. Mid-semester exam, not the finals people!! That asshole is still left.
But anyway, exams are over I have nothing to do except to write some of my stuff and plan for my Thanksgiving break with Kaylee.
I am excited!!!!!


I was 9. I am 20 now and I still carry those scars

I was 17 he was 24
I shouted, yelled, dug my nails deep into his skin and begged to stop 
but he didn't
he kept going,
and going
he kept going 
until he ripping my soul, tattoed scars and marks all over my body.
He was my brother's friend.
And the worst part is my brother believed him over me.